Well It`s not really an operation more as a cosmetic procedure, and in my eyes it`s not a unnecessary one. And, I have high hopes that it will finally make me happy in my own skin, literately.
As a young girl, I hit puberty at a very early age, 10, I grew breasts way faster and bigger than any of the other girls in my grade, I got my period WAY before anyone else. I got all the common signs of puberty that everyone else gets. Though my skin was never that bad, I've always been able to manage it, my chin did become discoloured, forcing me to wear cover-up constantly because of how embarrassed I was from the grey pigmentation.
From the age of 12-16 I never had a problem with my skin, if I broke out, I broke out, it was never anything too bad, a little here, a little there. I always broke out on the cornor of my chin, and my cheeks under my cheekbones. Though never anywhere else, my skin without marks look great. However I had the horrid habit of picking, something I learned from my mom and sister. And so in doing so, I wasn't left with icepick scars where it looks like there is a hole in the skin, or white fleshy scars, I was left with bright red hyper pigment scarring that looked like pimples. So even when I was having a good week with no pimples, it still looked like I had them.
Over the years I got very very good at hiding them with my makeup skills, however, I always wanted to be able to have the confidence to leave the house without any makeup on, even just going to anwser the door I feel I need a fully foundation face.
Guys this is really REALLY hard to show, but I have to to prove my point.
And just so you guys know, these are NOT pimples, as much as they look it, those are the scars
with and without makeup, and this is it on good days....
Everyone always told me, If I would just get a tan you wouldn't notice them. But, as some of you know, I love my white skin, and if anything I want it to be whiter. I really do have a doll complex. Not to be dressed like one, or like a dolly princess, I want to be as pale and clear looking as those beautiful glass dolls, innocent and sweet looking... But sadly, every little thing I have tried to do has done little to nothing to lighten my pigmentation.
So yesterday, I asked to get off work early, mom picked me up, and we went to a cosmetic clinic on the other side of the city. I spoke with the doctor, she said I had acne, (Which I didn't think I ever did because my break outs were never as bad as some peoples)
She knew I had a problem when I came into her office after I had gone with her assistant and had a towel covering my face when I came back after washing off my makeup so she could get a better look. And As she was looking at my skin closely, I started to cry.
After explaining a lot to me, making me realize, no wonder it's going to take me 8 years to become a dermatologist, She said if I left my "Hyper cystic scarring" (Or something like that) Because they are deep cyst like scars, if I didn't try and do something for them soon, when I got older, they could turn into icepick scars, and white ones.
She told me the best treatment for it, and that is something called. PDT, or Photo-dynamic Therapy. It takes about 3 hours all together and costs roughly around 400$ Canadian.
What they do is:
Start me on Levulan, a type of topical lotion (30-50$) that I am prescribed and start to take.
Next step, I am to use for a few weeks before the operation, I use a 10% Glycolic acid peel, to be put on three times a week.
(I will post review on it later)
Next, when I'm actually ready for the procedure, They start me off with a Microdermabrasion, then Ultrasonic Lontophoresis (which I keep on my face for about an hour, its a type of lotion or medicine) Then they treat me with blue light which activates then Lontophoresis, and they attach the bacteria in my cystic scars. It also pocks mico-holes in my skin to help the bacteria escape and let new healthy cells grow in the old scar tissue
Once the operation if finished, I cannot go out into any sun light or florescent lights for at the very least 4 days. So I'm planning on booking off at least a week from work.
During the first 4 days, I am going to be as red as a well cooked lobster, my skin will be hot and tight, and on day 3 I will flare up. Though that is just the bacteria being pushed from my healing skin. On day 4-5 My skin will peel LIKE A SNAKE SKIN.
When I saw the pictures of the before and afters of many patients before me, I almost started crying, because I was so scared to let me face be that way. But on the 5-7th day the skin is normal and normally 98% of patents see a great improvement after only one treatment. Which I'm so scared that I will be one of the 2% that sees no change at all.
Here are some before an after of 1-3 threatments
Though... Even if it lightened them by half, I think I could live so much more happy. Yes I know beauty is only skin deep, but these scars are very deep. But, I take such good care of my skin, I don't pull, pock, I try to go days without wearing makeup if I can help it. I remove my makeup always when I get home before ever washing it, wash ever night before going to bed, everyday, I use masks, I exfoliate once-twice a week, I steam when needed, I stay out of the sun and use spf 90 sunscreen. I make sure everything I use on my skin is non-cominogenic, I use a moisture serum, a great moisturiser, I try not to lay on my face when I sleep, a drink lots of water, I've cut out meat from my diat, and only eat fruitd and veggies. But nothing, nothing changes, and it's not fair.
I don't care if I were the ugliest, fattest, dumbest girl alive, I just wish I could have healthy skin. I take such good care of myself, and I wish my skin could reflect that... without tons of cover-up.
My older sister, who is basically like my mother, when I called her, and told her about it and the price, she said, right away "Do it." She's been there by my side and seen how much my skin hurts me, she's seen how much I care and try and keep my skin safe, and agrees it's not fair that I can't have the skin I should.
Right now she's been on my case to save up all my money for her wedding in Mexico this winter, so I was kind of surprised, but glade, when she said do it, so quickly after hearing the price, and supported my choice to have it done.
I do have enough money, just from work alone, but I also have my bonus from work coming at around 160-220$, and my GST back pay from three years that I should be getting in July, which is supposed to be between 400-800$ free money. So I have enough for at least on operation. It's hard though, because I've never spent that much money on myself before in one shot.
I really just hope, I'm sick of working so hard, and having nothing to show for it. I'm sick of crying, and feel so sickened by my skin that sometimes I can't look in a mirror. Yes I know so many others out there have it so much worse than I do. But like the doctor told my mom when she said,
Mom: "I don't think her skin is that bad..."
Dr. : "It doesn't matter, it's her skin, and she's clearly not happy in it."
So I hope you guys don't think me too shallow for doing this. And please stay tuned in, I will keep you all updated on this as the weeks go by, and I will be taking many before and after pictures of my skin, before, during and after recovery.
Watch out for my next post cause I'll be reviewing the Glycolic Acid gel I was prescribed.
